it's funny how things turned out this way.
does everything which happened, really happened for a reason of some sort?
i just know that right now, i feel totally crushed.
and it's worst now, that im nursing this horrid cold.
talking and speaking out loud is one of the least fav things to do now.
cos i have this nasal block and i sound like a whiny duck.

i wanna thank YOU.
you enlightened me with yet another of yr wise words:
"whatever it is caitlyn, u just got to be happy. thats what really matters."
then it dawned on me, i haven't been happy at all for the past 4 months.
every single day ive been struggling.
certain days id be fine, normal, but unhappy.
cos at the back of my mind the problem's still visible, unsolved.
i realize that ive given so much, yet what i get in return is nothin compared to wad i gave.
i always thought that the way this thing "love" works, is that if u really love the person, u'd give in yr best. u'd be always forgiving, always patient. isn't this how it's suppose to be?
but im tired. im exhausted.
can i be selfish just this once to make MYSELF happy?
but it's so tough. it's so heartbreaking seeing some1 u love go through so much emothional and mental turmoil, it seems like he has no one else to turn to but me.
i want so much to just take him back in my arms to comfort him, to be his shield.
but yet, i want to be happy.

i have more or less made my decision.
but right now, i just wanna be left alone for awhile.
i want to make the decision based on what i really want for myself.
i want to make an unbiased decision.
this is one thing i should have done and one major problem i should have faced a long time ago.
no one else can decide for me or influence my thoughts and decision now.