more plans

skipped youth fellowship again today.
feel kinda guilty abt it.
but then i feel tt attending it doesn't realli mean much to me anymore.
i know it's sucha horrible thing to say,
since i practically grew up in it since i was eleven.
but i guess things change & i can't adapt to it anymore.
it's becoming just a routine thing, an obligation to attend.
i don't haf the desire to go for it.
i'm not growing & learning much from it.
and i don't reali integrate well with the ppl there now.
they are all great ppl, but majority of them are stil pretty young & impressionable.
different wavelength i guess.
and i jus feel tt it doesn't reali bother them much if i stop attending.
like my attendence there or not makes no difference.

shit,
i jus screwed up again.
mum's realli pissed off with my attitude now.
i guess ive changed.
more impulsive,sensitive.
less tolerant,concerned abt others.
i duno why i'm like tt now too.
guess it's jus a passing phase.
hope it will pass.

anyway, i decide to realli start work tmr.
i'd do my assignments daily & hand them in on time.
dun wana go thru last min mugging anymore.
i know ive said this a million times but it is reali time to get down to doing it.

i think i'm kinda lagging.
like usually the rebellious phase starts between 13 to 16.
i'm like 19 this year
but seem to give my parents more problems then ever.
time to do some self-reflection.