i don't know wad i did wrong

band prac was at 2pm yesterday.
it was crappy.
my stomach suddenly started churning & i had sharp pain at the lower abdomen.
almost puked into my trumpet while playing.
i don't feel like playing for cjc band anymore.
everything sucks.
there's somethin wrong with the band..
maybe it's jus me.
almost aft every practice i'll leave the sch alone.
i miss those times when my batch was still around..zahid weiseng wanjuan dawn gerard xiaochuan ian beverly gen kev matt violet pam..
we wld always go out for lunch or hang out aft band prac..it was so fun..
now it's jus totally different.
i realli tried my best to be friendly & integrate into this grp of J1 but it's so tough.
like, we r of totally different wavelength.
there's no common conversation topic, interests..
and some gals r..weird..realli.
this sucks lar..should've jus left with the rest.

met charma for dinner last evening..
den went over to van's room at marina mandarin to slack.
woah, the view from the room was absolutely fantastic..it faces the whole of cityhall & beyond..
there was esplanade & the merlion to the left..suntec at the extreme right..
the night view was sooo beautiful..
sara, christina & her fren were with us also waitin for the gals to get back from the prom dinner to go clubbing.
when we went down to get a cab home the J2s jus ended their dinner and were all comin out, takin photos..all of them looked so good..
i couldve been there..all dressed up,happy..if onli.
was rather embarrassed being there..and i was in sch uniform..
then matt & wilvin saw me and they were shocked to see me there..like wad the hell was i doin there..
i felt horrible..and the stupid taxi didn't wana come..the longer i waited the worst i felt..i didn't wana be recognised..didn't wana see the excitement and listen to the chatter..

got hell from my parents when i got home.
dad confiscated my hp.
i tink they quarrelled when i wasn't at home..
and seems like the cause of it all was ME.
my poor grandma was so distraught..
jus wad the hell did i do wrong..
i did tell my mum where i was going..even when i knew i was gona be home late i did msg her.
every single thing i said was true.
i didn't go around doing crazy things or worst still f*** ard, if tt's wad they were afraid of.
this is crazy.i feel so misunderstood.
i did try finding jobs.i did.
then there's nothin much to do at home but to use the internet & make phonecalls.
even all that they are gona take away from me.
yes, i can do my holiday assignments but i need a break once in a while.
i can help out with the chores but tt can also be done quickly.
so wad am i to do aft all tht's completed?
and when i go out too often, the unhappiness starts.
i feel so trapped.
jus wad are they afraid of??
i know they are worried about me.i know they care.but i tink they are jus being too paranoid.
i know i gota honour them.to be obedient.
but i need some space of my own.
and i know mum might read this.and she'll most prob scold me for typing al this here.
i jus need to let it out.

*and where are you?
u didn't respond to my msg last nite..
is anything wrong?
i suppose so..if not u wld haf called by now..
i wana call u..but u might not ans my call..
why?wad's wrong?

fark la.